My story begins with an encapsulation of what I personally experienced and ends with some tips posted below on signs to watch out for in your own lives.
Joseph Custer, the guy I was engaged to in 2004 and lived with for the majority of that year is a very abusive individual. Joe is paranoid schizophrenic among other things and has been in and out of mental hospitals his whole life. (His pictures posted below)
He has sexual addictions and would get on various porn sites including ones with children and animals. He has solicited young girls online. He would be locked in a room alone for literally 8 hours a day on these inappropriate sites. He was very manipulative, controlling, and abusive with me. I was trying to call a friend one time to see their thoughts on the situation and if its right or not and if i should leave Joe, while I was on phone - Joe was listening on upstairs phone and came down in a fit of rage and tore out the plug and going on another one of his violent rants. He liked to go out in the woods in the dark alone with his swords and black trenchcoat doing God knows what.
He wanted me to have seven girls with him because he is obsessed with young girls bodies and wanted to molest them. He's part italian and his mother is crazy as well. She threatened me on numerous occasions but also strangely enough she was trying to pawn Joe off by trying to get me to marry him because she was tired of dealing with him anymore.
One time in the car with him while I was pregnant with his child, he drove his truck erratically on the highway then coming to an abrubt stop nearly throwing me threw the windshield. He got out of the truck and just sat in the grassy median between the highways and just glared at me. I was scared for my life on many occasions, at one point I remember being almost blacked out on the cold cement floor hyperventilating. Right before I left him one night, we were in the car driving and he was threatening to open the car door (while his mother was driving on the freeway) and jump out of the vehicle at full speed and kill himself. He started talking to himself, rambling, and rocking back and forth. That was an eye opener to me - there is something really wrong with this guy, I have to leave. His mom drove him to the mental hospital and dropped him off. As we drove away, I remember looking back out the window glancing at Joe walking into the building. The way he walked reminded me of 'Jason' from those Friday the 13th movies - so emotionless, so stiff, so cold, no remorse.
That night I packed up my things and left. I mailed back the engagement ring and let him know we were done. He tried to call me from the mental hospital, but I ignored his calls. Regardless, I knew he wouldn't be in that hospital for long and I didn't feel safe where I lived anymore. A couple months later, my parents moved me and my brothers 1500 miles away. One reason was just to get away from him - thats how bad it was. There were other reasons, but that was definitely one.
He's also made crazy assertions such as he invented the fusion bomb. He used to think that movie 'iRobots' was real and that robots would take over the earth. Another crazy claim he has made that he had that thing done to him like in that movie 'men in black' where they shine that light and you forget all previous memory - he claims that has happened to him and he doesn't remember anything he did to me. I can't believe they let him go from the hospital. This guy needs to be locked up for good. Watch out for him - that's all I can do is warn other girls. His nickname is 'Dr. Rohin' and he does have a myspace page. His location now I think is around Kansas City or Platte City, Missouri. Here are some pics:
Red Flags you are in ABUSIVE, toxic relationship -[most of these I've endured from Joe]:
1) Your partner puts you down verbally, in private or in front of others.
2) Your partner tells you he/she loves you but behavior shows otherwise.
3) Your partner doesn't want you to see or talk to friends or family.
4) Your partner is jealous of the time you spend with your kids.
5) Your partner shows up often at your work unexpectedly or opens your mail.
6) Your partner calls you often to see what you are doing.
7) You cry often or feel depressed over your relationship.
8) Your partner says you would have the perfect relationship if only you would change.
9) Your partner wants you to be dependent on him.
10) Your partner does things for you and then uses them to make you feel obligated.
11) Your thoughts, opinions, accomplishments, or words are devalued.
12) You don't know who you are anymore without him/her, or how you would survive.
13) Your friends/family don't like your partner or don't think he is good for you.
14) You have changed things about yourself to suit your partner, even when it is not your taste.
15) You always go where your partner wants to, like movies, restaurants, etc.
16) Your partner has made you feel afraid or unsafe, and you have been afraid to speak the truth at times for fear of upsetting him/her (walking on eggshells).
17) You don't feel you have control of your life anymore.
18) Your self-esteem is lower since you've been with your partner.
19) You think it's up to you to make the relationship work.
20) You keep secrets about your relationship from others who love you because they wouldn't understand.
21) Your partner makes you feel unattractive or stupid.
22) Your partner accuses you of cheating and is overly jealous.
23) Your partner can be really sweet to you one minute, and really mean the next.
24) Your partner seems really sweet/loving to you when he/she thinks you are about to leave the relationship, or after he/she has been mean to you.
25) You can't remember the last time you felt happy for more than a few days straight.
And if your partner does any of the above, or show signs of sexual abuse, TELL someone! Don't wait like I did.
Sexual abuse:
§ Unwanted touching
§ Demeaning remarks about the partner's body or appearance
§ Minimization of the partner's sexual needs
§ Berating the partner about his sexual history
§ Demeaning remarks about the partner being too femme or butch
§ Forcing sex or sexual actions on the partner without consent
§ Using force or roughness that is not consensual, including forced sex (rape)
§ Rape with an object
§ Refusing to comply with the partner's request for safe sex
§ Coercing the partner into sex with others
§ Purposefully and repeatedly crossing the partner's sexual boundaries
§ Violating an agreement for monogamy by having sex with others
§ Exposing the partner to sexually transmitted diseases
§ Treating the partner as a sex object
§ Criticizing sexual performance or desirability
§ Withholding sex as a punishment
§ Unwanted sadistic sexual acts
Links to some useful sites:
Don't Date Him Girl
[A great weeding out system for girls to utilize to protect themselves from guys who have history of hurting other girls. Allows you to post the profile of your ex as to warn other girls.]
Offenders in your area
[Stay educated by knowing the sexual offenders in your area. Click on your state and then click on the link 'map offenders' and enter your location.]
Online predators
[You will recognize this site if you've ever watched Dateline NBC 'To Catch a Predator'. You can look through the forums here and even join as a volunteer yourself to help stop online predators from soliciting young children online.]
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